How you communicate matters as much as what you ask for. The first specific number placed on the table, called the anchor, psychologically influences the rest of the negotiation, so avoid anchoring low. A low anchor pulls the final number down and is hard to correct later. Instead, "anchor high but reasonable" by choosing a number at the upper end of a realistic market range, supported by data and your achievements. When asked about your current salary or expectations, redirect to the role and the market rather than your history: something like, "I prefer to focus on the market rate and the value I bring. Based on my research, I'm targeting X–Y for this role and level." If pressed, give a researched range rather than a single number, because a single number can become a ceiling while a range leaves room to discuss.
Confident, neutral language is essential. Never apologize for negotiating; negotiation is normal and expected, and apologizing signals that you are doing something wrong. Replace "Sorry to ask for more" with phrases like, "I'd like to discuss whether there's room to bring the compensation closer to my expectations." Use collaborative, "we" language ("I'd love to find a way to make this work for both of us") rather than adversarial framing. Stay professional, avoid emotional reactions, and remember that separating people from the problem helps you remain calm and focused on the shared goal of fair pay.
Two underrated tools are silence and the pause. After you make your ask, stop talking and wait; silence creates space for the other side to respond, and filling it nervously often leads you to weaken your own position. If you need time, take it: "That's a good question, let me think for a moment so I can give you a thoughtful answer," or "Could I take a day to think it over and get back to you?" If you are caught off guard by a salary question early in the process, you can ask for their range instead: "Could you share the compensation range you've budgeted so I can respond thoughtfully?" To reduce anxiety before or during a call, reframe the conversation as one between equals about aligning value, and use a simple breathing technique such as inhaling for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for four. Practicing tough questions out loud, ideally with a friend, is one of the most reliable ways to make these scripts feel natural and automatic.