Former FBI lead hostage negotiator Chris Voss built his method around the idea that empathy, used strategically, is the most powerful tool at the table. Tactical empathy means understanding the other party's perspective and emotions in order to influence outcomes, not merely to be kind. It starts with active listening, the practice of fully concentrating, understanding, and responding, often by paraphrasing. Two signature techniques are mirroring, repeating the last few words the other party said to encourage elaboration, and labeling, which names the other party's emotion to defuse it. Saying it sounds like you are frustrated puts the feeling into words, and naming an emotion is often the first step toward reducing its grip, a dynamic sometimes called name it to tame it.
Voss also emphasizes calibrated questions, which begin with how or what and prompt the other side to solve your problem for you. A classic example is How am I supposed to do that, a question that invites explanation rather than provoking argument. The accusations audit voices potential objections before they are raised, defusing them; the no-oriented question frames requests so the other party can comfortably say no, which paradoxically makes them more open. Even the word no is useful in negotiation: it starts the conversation, gives the other party a sense of control, and often surfaces the real issues. Equally, the cue that is right signals genuine understanding, while you are right can feel dismissive. The feel-felt-found technique weaves these together by acknowledging feelings, noting that others have felt the same, and then sharing what they discovered.
Tone of voice carries as much weight as words. Voss identifies three voices: the late-night DJ voice, calm, slow, and downward-inflected, projecting authority; the assertive voice, direct but to be used sparingly to avoid backlash; and the positive or playful voice, which should be the default for encouraging cooperation. The FBI's broader behavioral change stairway model captures the full sequence: active listening, then empathy, then rapport, then influence, then behavioral change. Empathy is the foundation throughout, and it is distinct from sympathy. Sympathy is feeling for someone; empathy is understanding their feelings from their side.